muse:october skies and december nights

-sigh-
):

muse:
october skies find me wrapped up for winter, walking into school shivering. my neon green shoelaces echo across the empty school courtyard, and the blank windows all stare down at me. my metal water bottle clanks against my dark jeans. i shake again, trying to hide myself in the music. that's the sun rising. the rest of the day, i keep hiding behind my wall of sound, attempting to drown out everyone's feeble efforts to get through. a couple people i let slip through, but i'm waiting for someone. someone who won't really come through, ever. the sun dips into the forest behind the trees. orange light plays across my face through the bus windows, and i sigh. the music is still going in the absence of conversation from the other passengers. i take out my black leather-bound notebook to write something, but find that all i can think or write about is something i don't want to. i close the small book and drift off to sleep.

december nights find me cold, alone, and watching children's movies by myself. maybe a crime dramedy every so often (who can't resist those? oh right, people who aren't crazy like me) and other movies. (500) days of summer, up, the time traveler's wife, mckenzie can't, all of the classics. as a scene flashes across the glass, i giggle and hear my voice bounce around the blank and empty walls. the grin slides off my face, and i make myself even smaller than i already am. before i even acknowledge it, the waterworks start silently. nobody can know about this, except maybe you. but i can't tell you--i want you to find out. somehow. without me telling you, which is pretty much impossible. as the latest episode of bones ends, i find myself crying in accordance with my emotional roller coaster.

october skies and december nights find me missing you. alone, cold, and missing you.