blank space.

it starts with a change.

it always starts with a change. a shift in the scenery, a shift in dynamics, a shift in something. a change. always a change.

"i'm sorry" is an excellent catalyst. "i didn't mean it like that" is almost as good. and "it's all my fault" is a stellar way to start.

in my case, it's an "i'm sorry" that pushes the play button on my series of unfortunate events. i've liked him since two years ago, and that on again, off again crush has pushed me forward and pulled me through trying times. nearly kissing him on the porch, leaning into him a little too hard on the bus, asking him to hang out... those have been subtle moves towards the direction of "resolve this dissonance." because in my eyes, we are all notes on a staff, with problems waiting to be solved. fouled notes waiting to reach our full consonant glory. we are always looking towards that triumphant octave, third, or fifth. but sometimes it takes us a bit longer to get there.

my friend chooses to celebrate my crush's birthday, as he rightfully should. "table for six," he says into his cellphone, and i feel a piece of me break off and fall onto the floor of the apartment, bloody and wine-stained. "oh, jill isn't coming, but mac is taking her place since he's in town." why wasn't i asked to this dinner? why wasn't i asked to make my crush's birthday a full event?

the same reason why he hasn't responded to the text i sent him on tuesday.

the world is changing. it's always changing. for us, our worlds are shifting, almost as quickly as we're travelling through space. in the moment, the earth seems stationary, but in reality we're throttling our way through the milky way at astronomical speeds. and maybe, someday, i'll accept that i'm moving at such breakneck speeds to justify not stopping for something small, rare, and beautiful. but today is not that day.