muse:connections

it's been a long day.

muse:
my room is chaotically organized--books on the floor, a backpack in the corner. clothes are everywhere, some systematically and logically in a laundry basket, others just haphazardly hanging off my bed. the covers themselves, though, are neatly organized. my phone sits, lonely on the nightstand. it's accompanied by my glinting, leering ipod, its mate (the coiled headphones), and my black wallet. they rest in slightly uncomfortable companionship. a shirt, gently kissed by the sky lays hastily strewn on my bed. it's the same thing you wore, i can recall. you wore a shirt exactly this blue. my heart jumps a little, thinking that you've been here. but the feeling leaves as swiftly as it came, as i realize that it's only my shirt. i step slowly towards it, and take the sleeve quietly in my hand. raising it to my nose, i inhale deeply and close my eyes. i don't exactly know what i'm expecting--it doesn't really smell like anything. but then again, i can't smell my own scent (was i hoping for yours?) in the ocean of the odorless musk of me.

reflections on jealous husband the parrot, and muse:fallen

so. this is also another one of my favorite stories that we've read so far! mainly because i could imagine the bird doing all of these things, and it brings back bittersweet memories.

butler did an amazing job of putting things into the bird's point of view--and now it makes me want to write a story from the point of view of a pet. it'd be really interesting to do, as well as just plain fun.

favorite lines:

• "i flap my wings and i squawk and i fluff up and i slick down and i throw seed and i attack that dangly toy as if it was the guy's balls, but it does no good." (i can just picture a parrot doing this. and while we would think that the parrot was only restless and wanting to play, this gives insight on what might've been going on in the animal's mind. it's quite funny, actually. the throwing seed part made me laugh because i remember one time we tried to feed my bird lettuce. he kicked it.)
• "even though i know there is something between me and that place where i can be free of all these feelings, i will fly. i will throw myself again and again there. pretty bird. bad bird. good night." (this was my favorite but not in like a happy way or anything! it just made me heartbroken that the narrator could do nothing really to express his love for his wife. additionally, i can relate to this because sometimes life just hurts too much and i just want things to just go away so i can live in peace. or die in peace. whichever one, really.)

muse:

he had decided that morning that everything he did would be to impress her, the girl of his dreams. he could explain math problems to her, share insight in english class, the list went on and on. and last of all, before she left, she would see him getting into his car and drive away like the cool, mature person that he was. 

he didn't expect it to all backfire. the insight-she had seen it already. she didn't even pay attention when he opened his mouth, letting loose the new knowledge that he thought was so revolutionary. but it didn't stop there. math problems-he couldn't even begin to explain them. he knew the concept, but he didn't really know it. so when questions arose for her, all he could do was blink in frustration at feeling so helpless. after school had brought about even more failures-he couldn't even catch her eye, summon the courage to talk, walk the same direction as her, look in her direction without feeling failure. and as he swung the car door shut in the parking lot, he didn't see her waiting on the sidewalk as she usually did. he slumped in his seat. his hopes were dashed, he was crestfallen. but tomorrow was another day, another try, another time to just build up that courage to talk to her. just to fix things up.

brownies, cookies, and muse:tgif

so.
i must say that this story has been my favorite so far. in a few words: they're ridiculous little kids, allowed to pass the harshest of judgments while suffering almost nothing. i think that was probably one of the points that drew me in to this story. it was the story of the stereotypical gang of girls. there were the leaders (arnetta and octavia), the reject (janice), the quiet one (daphne), the goodie-two-shoes (laurel, or snot). it was just so hilarious to read this story and just picture this group of small, rowdy girls thinking i'm gonna beat them up! and it just made me laugh a bunch.
favorite lines:

• "...looking all around them like tourists determined to be dazzled." ("dazzle" is just a hilarious word to me simply because stephmeyer has made it so.)
• "...and often these belts would become nature lessons in and of themselves. 'see... this one's made entirely from the feathers of baby pigeons.'" (great only because i thought she was trying to be hippie-like... but then realized that she wasn't. what kind of hippie would wear a belt made of baby pigeons?!)
• "...all we ever do with Nature is find some twigs and say something like, 'wow, this fell from a tree.'" (this just sounds so little kid! i love it! i can also just picture her saying this. i'm pretty sure i'd be that snarky.)
• "...and octavia would hotly whisper, 'mama,' in a way that meant: please don't talk about our problems in front of everyone please shut up." (why are they so snarky? why do i love them so much?!)
• "...but everyone except me hated the song so much that they sang it like a maudlin record..." (don't even know what a maudlin record is, but knowing how kids can sing unenthusiastically, this is just hilarious.)
• "'i'll brush my teeth two times if i don't have to sing 'the doughnut-'" (it just shows how much they don't want to sing it! oh little kids. you are so hilarious, snarky, and just overall hilarious. why can't you be like that in real life.)

and now a muse. :) inspired by last friday night (tgif) by katy perry. don't worry, it's not trashy. really.

muse:

it had been the wildest party in the history of wild parties. they had pulled up, loud and rowdy in front of a friend's house, ready for loud music, dancing, all sorts of teenage happenings. they weren't disappointed. some flailed their arms wildly, others danced like their lives depended on it. the world was them, and nothing but them. moving as a collective group, they had danced their hearts out into the early hours of the morning. then, they had run to the park just to relish the freedom of the open air, the softness of the grass beneath their feet, the silvery touch of the moonlight, the splash of water. and as the frenzy faded, they found themselves laying beneath the stars, watching as an occasional cloud would block out the beautiful mess of sparkling sugar sprinkled all across the heavens. it was friday, the end of the week, the end of another day, the start of the weekend, the start of something new. homework was a distant obstacle to be faced sunday night. it was friday, it was friends, it was. tgif.

reflections on nilda, and muse:up against

nilda was a very interesting story. it was a rather interesting perspective of the author's brother's past relationship with the title character. juniot diaz has such a unique style. he insists on not using quotation marks, period, and he keeps the full sense of his coarse childhood intact. which, while i was trying not to cringe at the overly used obscenities every other second word, just drew me in and made the story that much truer. i really think that if diaz had censored all of that out, it wouldn't have been truth to him--and then would have been less of a story for the reader. life is uncensored, so why shouldn't writing, right?

additionally, diaz's memory seems a bit abridged. it's implied that his brother passes away, but it's never explicitly said. which leaves some holes for the reader, and i personally was wondering what happened to all the characters.

now, stepping out of those shoes, time for real life. kinda.
it seems that a year's worth of drama has been squeezed into the first two weeks of school, culminating in a fight that ended in angry words and tears. i was quick to respond, and was surprised that nobody else did. okay, i agree that we shouldn't get involved too heavily in people's problems, but if someone is crying is it too much to ask to comfort them?

muse:
it had been relatively silent, before. just a few laughs breaking the quiet of the library. but tensions began to rise, and everyone could feel it in the air. the giggles began to spread further apart, the quiet began to take over, and voices began to grow louder and louder, arguing about the proper role of leaders and who should take what role, culminating in a tearful exclamation.

he had noticed and jumped down from his perch on a bookshelf to comfort her. that seemed his job, to make people laugh, and to pick up broken pieces. he seemed to have the infinite caring capacity that every mother hen envied, as he raced towards his friend. he took her in his arms, creating a shelter. angry words continued to fly, and he tried to take the shots for her. anything to keep her safe, to keep her fragility from showing. suddenly, he became aware of the overwhelming silence along with the stunning amount of indifference from the bystanders. some sat huddled in a corner, others sat at their computers staring blankly at the screens. she cried out again, her voice breaking. the arguers stopped, looking at her. the boy's face betrayed a sliver of something, and he instantly gave in to her wishes. the girl, angrier, stared coldly at her opponent before shrugging off the burden. he murmured reassurances, and withdrew his arms. she looked up, quietly thanking him. and just like that, as he turned around, order was restored. the strangling quality of the air was gone, replaced by something lighter. but as he walked away, he felt that same choke-hold on his heart. he stopped in his tracks and collapsed.

a&p... how 'bout b&r? and muse:already gone

just finished reading a&p.
this was another thing like hemingway's, making a story out of the mundane. however, updike's story seemed to flow a little bit better to me. the descriptions were very vivid, so the scene unfolded rather smoothly in my mind. going back to our discussion yesterday on who exactly were the characters, it seems that sammy (the narrator), stokesie, lengel, "queenie," and the girls. i consider "big tall goony-goony" (best impromptu name ever) a character even though she didn't talk, as she was part of queenie's group. the girls seemed to not be as much separate characters as much as queenie's minions, so they were very minor characters.
additionally. i shall never view vanilla ice cream the same ever again.

muse:
she had wanted to be with him for the longest time. he was her crush, after all. being a hormonal teenager, the world revolved around him and all he did. she would get flutters in her chest every time he looked at her, smiled that crooked smile and mumbled a shy "hi." every time she hung up after a phone call with him, she would fall into a blissful reverie. so when they finally came together, she thought she would be happy.

she was so wrong.

two days in, and their first fight. it was over something trivial and stupid, but it still broke her heart. that night, there was no phone call, no dreaming, just emptiness. the next day, though, they continued on as if it never happened. from then on, that was how they existed. teasing until tears, lather, rinse, and repeat.
even after their first kiss, the cycle continued. but she was already so deep, she didn't want to get out. so when he finally decided to end things then and there, she refused.

"no," she had argued. "we can make it through. we love each other, we can make it!"
he only shook his head before turning around.
"i love you so much. i love you so much that i want what's best for you. and what's best for you is life without me in it."
and as his footsteps echoed through the empty school hallway, she knew that as he left, so did her heart.

first post, first impressions, first short? mayhaps. oh, and some rules.

rules:
capitalization is null and void. unless you really really want to.
punctuation is art.

music of the day:
it's disgusting how i love you. -ke$ha

first day of the fiction class!
we read "cat in the rain" today by ernest hemingway. i thought it was an okay short story (although my favorite part was the italian, because i understood a good portion of it). the characters were believable as was the scenario. in essence, i think hemingway did a good job of making a story out of the mundane.

i am so excited for this class! the ability to be able to create a world out of words... it's amazing. and that's what we get to learn. :)

muse:
she thinks it's entirely disgusting. after being known all these years as a heartbreaker, she was falling headfirst in love with him. but it wasn't like the other times. he brushed away all the bad habits. every time she tried to run, he would yell, "red light!" and just like the children's game, she would stop right in her tracks. green light, and she would come back to him, one more bad habit broken. she's been trying to run for almost a year now, but she just keeps on falling back into the same pattern. she used to be a bandit. a heart snatcher. but now... now, she's a hopeless romantic. so... maybe it's not entirely disgusting. frightening? truly.