pss:memories amid cornfields.

pss:

i roll my car window down to try and escape the heat of the harsh sun. the seared air smells mostly like dust, which isn't really that surprising. i mean, it is the middle of hodunk nowhere, iowa. nothing out here but cows, grass, farmers, crops, and more cows. i hum into the empty, muted space of the car. it's been about twenty-four years since i've last seen him--my best friend. it'll be a teary reunion among the cornfields and red barns. but this reunion won't have him in the picture, unfortunately. it's for his funeral. my hand drifts towards the radio dial, but i think twice and stop. i've already tried about a hundred times to find something good to listen to, but they don't have my music tastes out here in corn country. it's just bluegrass, country, country country, and then country bluegrass country. none of which i deem worthy of beating my eardrums, so i settle for silence. this, for better or worse, allows my other senses to take over. mainly smell.

my car has a musky, leathery smell. mainly from my roommate and the seats, respectively. i've gotten tired of these two smells assaulting my nostrils, so i opted to roll down the window. at first, i regret it a bit because the smell of fresh manure nearly forces me to stop and pull over. but then the subtle smell of the cornfields whispers its way into my nose and i do pull over. 

"jack?"

i turn to look out the window, and suddenly i'm only three feet tall.

"larry!"

the door seems much heavier than it was before as i swing it open and rush into his open arms.

"i thought i told you that you're not old enough to drive," he pouts at me. i shrug, smile, and then scuff the toes of my shoes on the road. 

"i was just sittin' in the car." 

he eyes me warily before breaking down into giggles.

"okay, i won't tell."

i rub my knuckles in his black hair.

"you better not."

his eyes squeeze shut, and then he's silent for a moment. 

"jackie, can i get in the car with you?"

he's six feet tall now. i stand hesitantly near the door, trying not to feel too short at five seven. then i nod, and we both get in. he leans back in the passenger seat, staring straight out his window. i join him in the car, edging as close as i can to him. 

"larry, you okay?"

he bristles before turning to face me.

"jackie, you can't do this to yourself anymore."

i blink.

"what?"

"this. it isn't healthy at all."

i stare at him before shaking my head indignantly. 

"larry, who are you to say that?!"

he closes his eyes, and then looks at me sadly. his hand closes around mine and gives it a tight squeeze. 

"i'm not really here, jack."

my eyes snap open. 

"what are you talking about?" i say a little too loudly. it's suddenly way too hot, the sun's too bright, and the leather is way too sweaty. i look to the right at the passenger seat and find that it's empty. i squeeze my eyes shut and try to turn the car back on. a tassel of corn blows in through the open window as the engine turns over. it won't start.