ep:oscillating mess.

some children asked what "ep" meant. it is an acronym for "emotion pile." most of my writing is based on things in my own life and the emotions that stem from them. the emotion pile is just where these come out completely raw and zero percent filtered.
ep:
and right like that, we're back to square one.

back to not talking, back to awkwardly not looking at each other, back to me hurting and trying not to show you. because really, who wants to hear about my hurts? who wants to hear my useless words? who wants to hear someone whine, complain, pine--all in vain? who cares? ...really.

maybe i'm diving too quickly into the deep end. maybe i'm jumping to conclusions. maybe i'm not giving you a chance.

but... i thought we were getting somewhere. i thought those late night phone calls and everything was us getting back on track, back to being friends. things were so good. but, of course, what goes up must come down.

and now, down it comes.


now... well, let's say it this way.

you cut me open
and watch me bleed
hear my cries
and do nothing.

okay, maybe it is for the best. ...but then... how can this be right? is it right for me to hurt this much?

how could a friend do something like that?

i know i'm not going to hear back from you. so... i'll let myself scar up and heal. and try to let myself do that. i'm not sure if i can walk away from this, or even if i want to. because without you, i can't breathe.